Updated: Apr 28
For a moment, I want you to look away from the perfect images largely depicted on TV and social media. There are no easy relationships but TV and social media have shifted the focus of dating away from enjoying each other’s company, being open while taking the chance to know each other for rather mundane things.
Let’s focus on Christian dating.
Why is Christian dating so hard?
First, Christians draw insights for living in the bible but if you sweep through the bible, you will see that in biblical times, dating was never practiced so, the bible does not have any prescribed guidelines for dating. Dating is essentially a construct of our society and so, it should be handled as such, of course, with the ultimate aim of glorifying God.
God wants us involved in choosing our life partners and contrary to most Christian assertions, God does not have a special person reserved to be one’s life partner. We see this example in the marriage of Isaac to Rebekah, and in the choice of marriage partners by the Children of Zelophehad. The proviso for their marriages was that the partners they choose must be devoted to God.
These days, however, it is really difficult to find someone who loves you wholeheartedly as Jesus does, and when Jesus is number one in your life, there is a greater challenge in finding someone who will be as important.
Christian dating has become so hard today because of several confusion and commitment issues. There is pressure from the church and confusion about standards. Culture has also added to the imbalance and this is because the bible only addressed sex and marriage but it did not address the challenges associated with dating as it was non-existent then.
Christian dating is strenuous because when those involved realize that the partnership is hitting the rocks, they push to make it work in line with worldly practices. This often clogs the wheel. Commitment is a big issue in this generation and believe me, it is not only Christian dating that is hard; dating is generally hard.
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
What should Christian dating look like?
There is no perfectly laid down design for Christian dating and since the bible does not directly address dating, what should the standard be for Christian dating?
Dating should be fun, while allowing people to get to know themselves and do things together casually before pulling the delicate chords of marriage. Dating is essential for the building of proper foundations for any amorous relationship between two.
If you are a Christian and you intend to date, you must ease yourself completely off the pressure and look beyond face value. You also need to have set standards about the things you want in order to communicate such to your partner and to get the best out of each other.
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Dating positions, you to learn to love another person more than you will love yourself. This is exactly what Christ’s death signifies for all of us on the cross and this is why there must be active efforts to learn how to become a better person and become better prepared to navigate the ups and downs of a relationship that is not built around sex and physicality.
You should invest in the process to grow mutual trust and commitment. Hold honest conversations to usher in God’s sustaining peace.
These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.
Above all, the ultimate aim of dating especially as Christians should be to glorify God.