How to Discern God’s Will in Your Relationship

Jan 1, 2023

4 min read

Updated: Oct 27

For Coptic Christians, prayer and reflection can be meaningful parts of relationship decisions. Discernment also involves looking honestly at a person's character, discussing important values, considering practical circumstances, and seeking wise counsel. Feelings or coincidences alone cannot prove that a particular relationship is God's intended plan.

1. Start with Prayer

Prayer is the foundation for discerning God’s will in any aspect of life, especially in relationships. When you’re seeking God’s direction, prayer is the first and most important step. It’s in these quiet moments of communication with God that you open your heart to His guidance and allow His voice to lead you.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.", James 1:5 (NKJV)

Take time to pray individually and, when appropriate, together. Prayer can help you reflect on your hopes, values, and concerns, but an answer may not arrive as a clear sign or timetable. Combine prayer with honest conversation, observation over time, and freedom for both people to decide whether the relationship is right for them.

2. Seek Wisdom from Scripture

The Bible is the ultimate source of wisdom for every believer, offering guidance on how to live a life that honors God. When you’re faced with decisions in your relationship, turn to Scripture to seek God’s will. The Bible provides timeless principles that can help you navigate the complexities of relationships, from choosing a partner to making important life decisions together.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.", Psalm 119:105 (NKJV)

As you study the Bible, ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand and apply its teachings to your relationship. Reflect on passages that speak to your situation, and consider how God’s word can guide your choices and actions.

3. Listen to God’s Voice

Christians may understand spiritual guidance in different ways, including prayer, Scripture, counsel, and reflection. However, inner peace, strong feelings, or a coincidence should not be treated as certain proof that a relationship is right. Consider these experiences thoughtfully alongside the person's behavior, your values, and advice from trusted people.

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left.", Isaiah 30:21 (NKJV)

Make time for prayer and quiet reflection, and take your feelings seriously without treating them as infallible instructions. Unease may point to a concern worth examining, while excitement or peace does not by itself establish that a relationship is safe or suitable. Look for consistent respect, honesty, accountability, and compatibility.

4. Seek Counsel from Trusted Advisors

God often uses the wisdom and experience of others to guide us. Seeking counsel from trusted spiritual advisors, such as a priest, mentor, or mature Christian friends, can provide valuable insights into God’s will for your relationship. These individuals can offer a different perspective and help you discern whether your decisions align with biblical principles and God’s plan.

"Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.", Proverbs 11:14 (NKJV)

Listen to people who know you, respect your agency, and are willing to raise concerns as well as offer encouragement. Counsel can provide perspective, but no adviser can guarantee what God intends for your romantic future. You remain free to weigh the advice and make a careful decision.

5. Consider the Fruits of the Relationship

Reflect on the relationship's patterns over time, including kindness, patience, honesty, self-control, and how both people respond to conflict. Positive qualities are worth noticing, but they do not prove that a relationship is destined to succeed. Also consider emotional safety, accountability, boundaries, and whether important life goals are compatible.

"You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles?", Matthew 7:16 (NKJV)

Reflect on whether you respect each other's faith, encourage one another without pressure, and handle disagreements with honesty and care. Spiritual growth can be meaningful, but it does not replace practical compatibility or make an unhealthy relationship acceptable. If there is coercion, abuse, or fear, prioritize safety and seek qualified support.

6. Trust in God’s Timing

It can be difficult to live with uncertainty, especially when a relationship decision feels important. Rather than assuming every delay has a specific hidden meaning, give yourself time to gather information, ask questions, and make a thoughtful choice. Patience can coexist with practical action and clear boundaries.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.", Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)

As you pray and reflect, continue building a meaningful life and making practical decisions. Romans 8:28 offers Christians hope, but it should not be used to promise a particular romantic outcome or explain away harm. You can trust in your faith while acknowledging uncertainty and seeking support when needed.

Conclusion

Discerning a relationship wisely can involve prayer, Scripture, trusted counsel, and careful attention to how both people treat one another. These practices can support reflection, but they do not provide a guaranteed prediction about a relationship's future. Seek mutual respect, honesty, emotional safety, and practical compatibility, and remember that choosing to end a relationship that is not right for you is not a failure of faith.